So, I don't like wakes. I know I know, no one does. But tonight, when it's someone who just had so much more to do and look forward to, it just breaks your heart.
I worked with this person at my old job, and in the interest of not Google-bombing this entry, that's all the detail that will be given. This guy was one of the smartest and kindest people I have ever met, and I worked with his daughter as well and she is absolutely wonderful too. This man gave me the nickname "New York" within minutes of first meeting me back in 2005 (well before the more famous one on VH1), after I told him I was from Queens. And after that it was always "New York! When you graduating??" I thought about that last night while I was trying to get to sleep and I almost lost it.
Tonight was a veritable who's-who of friends from my old job, and I always feel awkward playing catch-up with people at wakes. But, at the same time, it's a good chance to reconnect and make those reconnections more meaningful and lasting given the circumstances. And ultimately it is for the family, to remind them that they are not alone. And no one wants to be alone, especially at a time like that.
So. Yeah. It was a reminder for me, as the reverend said at the service, we don't know what the next moment brings. A good reminder.
31 January 2009
ZOMBIES
There are zombies on the loose in Austin, Texas so be warned.
Although my absolute favorite is what's for lunch in Dedham.
Although my absolute favorite is what's for lunch in Dedham.
28 January 2009
SOTA: Wall Street Bonus Loss Is NYS's Apocalypse Edition
Apparently, the drop in cash bonuses paid to Wall Streeters is costing the state $1 billion in lost tax revenues. And NYC is losing about $275 million.
This is due apparently to both to layoffs and lower income. The irony here though is just killing me - my mother LOVES to bitch about how all the taxes and fees are going up in NYC because of the loss of tax revenue - and she wants to know why, and where the money went. Well, here's part of the answer.
This is due apparently to both to layoffs and lower income. The irony here though is just killing me - my mother LOVES to bitch about how all the taxes and fees are going up in NYC because of the loss of tax revenue - and she wants to know why, and where the money went. Well, here's part of the answer.
26 January 2009
too many teardrops that you held inside
So I should be thesising and I am instead finally listening to the new Tindersticks album, The Hungry Saw (more info on homepage). And man, I'm only on Track 4, but it is ACE. They are also touring, and I think I may want to go see them in March, theoretically right after my data defense (heh).
Go Wiki them or whatever it is you do to find out more info about a band you like, but if you like moody, emotional, dark "pop", check them out. I remember when good old WDRE played Nectar, after their first album dropped, back when I was in high school (199x-y). I thought, man, this is ACE. That first album is still one of my favorites of all time. Can Our Love... hit right at a very very traumatic time for me, and I'm incredibly attached to that one as well. I recall several Tindersticks albums more or less guiding me through my cumulative exams, along with R.E.M.'s "Reveal" - which, say what you want, did a LOT for me on a very personal level.
So, anyway, this new album - on Track 6 now - is right up there with them. As I hopefully enter the last, the final, the hardest, the darkest part of this whole degree process, it will be there for me. And I am slightly pissed that this process should not be nearly as bad as it is - and I still question what part of me made this so shitty, what inadequacies in my nature led to creating this struggle in the first place. I'm glad I can be self-doubtful with the Tindersticks holding my hand.
Go Wiki them or whatever it is you do to find out more info about a band you like, but if you like moody, emotional, dark "pop", check them out. I remember when good old WDRE played Nectar, after their first album dropped, back when I was in high school (199x-y). I thought, man, this is ACE. That first album is still one of my favorites of all time. Can Our Love... hit right at a very very traumatic time for me, and I'm incredibly attached to that one as well. I recall several Tindersticks albums more or less guiding me through my cumulative exams, along with R.E.M.'s "Reveal" - which, say what you want, did a LOT for me on a very personal level.
So, anyway, this new album - on Track 6 now - is right up there with them. As I hopefully enter the last, the final, the hardest, the darkest part of this whole degree process, it will be there for me. And I am slightly pissed that this process should not be nearly as bad as it is - and I still question what part of me made this so shitty, what inadequacies in my nature led to creating this struggle in the first place. I'm glad I can be self-doubtful with the Tindersticks holding my hand.
Movie: Madagascar
I know, I know. I am woefully behind on my pop culture. Just got around to seeing this the other night. Very cute. I thought Julian was one of the greatest creations EVER, although I was sort of surprised at the lack of Sacha Baron Cohen in the bonus features. Wonder what that was about.
Anyway, very cute fun flick, made me homesick for NYC. Go watch if you need a laugh. I tried to laugh, but my 15-pound cat was asleep on my chest for pretty much the whole movie and I risked waking her up if I laughed too hard.
More info: Wikipedia entry
Anyway, very cute fun flick, made me homesick for NYC. Go watch if you need a laugh. I tried to laugh, but my 15-pound cat was asleep on my chest for pretty much the whole movie and I risked waking her up if I laughed too hard.
More info: Wikipedia entry
24 January 2009
23 January 2009
18 January 2009
Why I Love Science (Part 2)
Caffeine causes hallucinations.
This pretty much explains the last 15 years of my life.
And explains the behaviour of just about every graduate student I know.
This pretty much explains the last 15 years of my life.
And explains the behaviour of just about every graduate student I know.
14 January 2009
Signs Of The Apocalypse: Military Unintelligence Edition
Virtual parents for the children of U.S. soldiers deployed to the Middle East.
Just go read this take on it. I'm going to go vomit up my breakfast now.
Just go read this take on it. I'm going to go vomit up my breakfast now.
11 January 2009
What Happened
So, I think the last update was that I had a pretty ridiculous Thanksgiving, was sick, had to deal with family, etc.
When I got back to MA, in the space of three days, I lost my job, found out I had to have dental work done (no insurance, naturally), and had my apartment broken into and something very valuable taken. A number of other annoyances happened in the next few weeks, cars needed repairs, my PS2 and our microwave both broke, and the desktop machine needs a few CPU fan.
But, here's the big deal. On December 10, my mom broke her right arm just below the shoulder.
I didn't find this out until about the 19th due to my mother playing some nasty passive-aggressive games with me and preferring to talk about the football pool or blowing my advisor's brains out with her shotgun instead of telling me what actually happened.
This accident was completely not her fault. The cheap, sketchy people that her company hired to wax the floors in the store where she worked left a pool of wax in front of the doors to her work area without any "caution wet floor" sign. She slipped and fell and her right humerus fractured cleanly right below the shoulder.
The emergency room people opted to NOT do surgery, instead they gave her a sling and told her not to move her arm. Because the fracture was fairly clean there was a chance it would heal on its own without surgery. In the meantime, she cannot work, drive, or do pretty much anything. So for those of you who know anything about my family, you can imagine the nightmare I was walking into coming home for Christmas.
My original plan was to come home Christmas Eve and come back to school the day after Christmas because I had work to do and had taken entirely too much time off for Thanksgiving because of the wedding I was in. This changed to coming home the 23rd very late (I got in sometime after 10pm) and staying longer than I planned. My father can't drive, so after I walked in the door I was told I had to get up at 6AM the next morning and take him to work. My brother had apparently been on taxi duty the previous week and a half so now it was my turn.
Christmas Eve was spent driving people around and helping my mom get stuff ready for Christmas day dinner. I fell asleep somewhere around 9PM. Christmas Day was alright, my mother insisted on doing entirely too much and was in some pain. Friday I didn't have to get up to drive anyone anywhere, but Saturday, Sunday and Monday I had to take my dad and pick him up. Add to all of this the fact that everyone is chain-smoking and I had two asthma attacks on Friday. So I was already irritated by the time Monday rolled around. I had a fight with my mother Monday morning (and almost packed up and left right then and there) because she is impossible to deal with when she is hurt and snapped at me over something really stupid. She finally broke down and apologized to me for being a bitch. I agreed to stay until Tuesday (the next day) and drive my dad to work and take her to a follow up with her doctor. Then I needed to get back to school, try to do some work (because my thesis isn't writing itself), make sure my apartment was safe, and pray that my unemployment money had finally showed up (it hadn't and still hasn't as of this writing).
So I take her to the doctor, a REALLY nice, smart, kind guy, and he looks at the X-rays and basically says, you need surgery. How about this Friday (day after New Year's)? My mother is pissed and upset because she hates hospitals (because in her mind it's still 1985 mind you). I decide I'm still going to leave but come back Friday or Saturday.
I came back to school, had a nice New Year's Eve with some friends, and slept in. I did get some work done Thursday and Friday and spent most of Friday distracted thinking about the surgery. I decided to drive down early Saturday morning rather than Friday night so I could actually get some sleep. My mother actually called me Friday night about 2 hours after she got out of surgery! It was an hour and a half, and they put in a plate and a lot of pins. But she sounded better than she had in WEEKS. Everything went well.
I got to NYC Saturday (the 3rd for those of you keeping score) about 20 minutes before she called to say she was being released, around 11:30AM. I rode along with my brother and my dad to go pick her up. And, aside from looking tired from not having slept too well the night before, she was in great shape. We got her home and put her on the couch to watch some football and she napped most of the day. I got her to take a painkiller that night so she would REALLY sleep and she did. She was in such good shape Sunday she had a fight with my dad (who I had to take to work and pick up since my brother went AWOL).
I got up at 6AM Monday and drove back to Amherst and spent the next 4 days working on a group meeting I finally got to give Friday afternoon. I felt like I hadn't had enough analysis - I'd planned on getting SOMETHING done over break, obviously because of everything else that didn't happen. But, I had enough that my advisor didn't yell at me (much) and was actually helpful in terms of suggestions of things to do to try to wrap it up. However, my innate mistrust of him still had me worried sick over it. After the talk I called my mother, her followup with her doctor went really well - she can even drive as long as she's not in pain. She sounds a LOT better still, which is great.
So now, hopefully, shit will calm down - my mom will be okay, I haven't been fired, and my thesis is actually making some small progress in spite of everything.
I hope that I don't sound like I'm mad at my mother or otherwise sound like I'm put out over all this - I'm not. I tried to tell this story as neutrally as I could, because I know some of you have been asking about what's up and this is my attempt to explain. This was something that wasn't our fault, and when something like that happens that inconveniences you to this kind of degree it's natural to get a bit pissed - Lord knows my parents were. And I pretty much had no vacation - I was so tired from getting up so early and running around, I had no time to talk to anyone much less hang out. But, almost no one called me anyway so I guess it's no big deal - I'm sure everyone was off enjoying their own thing over the holidays. And that's the way it should be, really. Everyone has their own thing to do, their own families to take care of, and I had to take care of my own family - and I know that's the right thing to do and I would do exactly the same thing again if I had to. So, I don't mean to sound bitchy - just, after everything that's happened to me in the last 2 months, I was looking forward to a nice Christmas and alas, it was not to be. When absolutely everything in your life goes to hell all at once, I won't hold it against anyone if they get a little annoyed, so I ask that it not be held against me either ;-)
So that's what happened, why I've been AWOL/MIA/generally not around for the past month or so. As I said before things should be slightly calmer, and I'll be answering email and on IM more as I get my scrambled brains back and remember how to talk to people again. Hope all of you are doing better! Send me some GOOD news please ;-)
When I got back to MA, in the space of three days, I lost my job, found out I had to have dental work done (no insurance, naturally), and had my apartment broken into and something very valuable taken. A number of other annoyances happened in the next few weeks, cars needed repairs, my PS2 and our microwave both broke, and the desktop machine needs a few CPU fan.
But, here's the big deal. On December 10, my mom broke her right arm just below the shoulder.
I didn't find this out until about the 19th due to my mother playing some nasty passive-aggressive games with me and preferring to talk about the football pool or blowing my advisor's brains out with her shotgun instead of telling me what actually happened.
This accident was completely not her fault. The cheap, sketchy people that her company hired to wax the floors in the store where she worked left a pool of wax in front of the doors to her work area without any "caution wet floor" sign. She slipped and fell and her right humerus fractured cleanly right below the shoulder.
The emergency room people opted to NOT do surgery, instead they gave her a sling and told her not to move her arm. Because the fracture was fairly clean there was a chance it would heal on its own without surgery. In the meantime, she cannot work, drive, or do pretty much anything. So for those of you who know anything about my family, you can imagine the nightmare I was walking into coming home for Christmas.
My original plan was to come home Christmas Eve and come back to school the day after Christmas because I had work to do and had taken entirely too much time off for Thanksgiving because of the wedding I was in. This changed to coming home the 23rd very late (I got in sometime after 10pm) and staying longer than I planned. My father can't drive, so after I walked in the door I was told I had to get up at 6AM the next morning and take him to work. My brother had apparently been on taxi duty the previous week and a half so now it was my turn.
Christmas Eve was spent driving people around and helping my mom get stuff ready for Christmas day dinner. I fell asleep somewhere around 9PM. Christmas Day was alright, my mother insisted on doing entirely too much and was in some pain. Friday I didn't have to get up to drive anyone anywhere, but Saturday, Sunday and Monday I had to take my dad and pick him up. Add to all of this the fact that everyone is chain-smoking and I had two asthma attacks on Friday. So I was already irritated by the time Monday rolled around. I had a fight with my mother Monday morning (and almost packed up and left right then and there) because she is impossible to deal with when she is hurt and snapped at me over something really stupid. She finally broke down and apologized to me for being a bitch. I agreed to stay until Tuesday (the next day) and drive my dad to work and take her to a follow up with her doctor. Then I needed to get back to school, try to do some work (because my thesis isn't writing itself), make sure my apartment was safe, and pray that my unemployment money had finally showed up (it hadn't and still hasn't as of this writing).
So I take her to the doctor, a REALLY nice, smart, kind guy, and he looks at the X-rays and basically says, you need surgery. How about this Friday (day after New Year's)? My mother is pissed and upset because she hates hospitals (because in her mind it's still 1985 mind you). I decide I'm still going to leave but come back Friday or Saturday.
I came back to school, had a nice New Year's Eve with some friends, and slept in. I did get some work done Thursday and Friday and spent most of Friday distracted thinking about the surgery. I decided to drive down early Saturday morning rather than Friday night so I could actually get some sleep. My mother actually called me Friday night about 2 hours after she got out of surgery! It was an hour and a half, and they put in a plate and a lot of pins. But she sounded better than she had in WEEKS. Everything went well.
I got to NYC Saturday (the 3rd for those of you keeping score) about 20 minutes before she called to say she was being released, around 11:30AM. I rode along with my brother and my dad to go pick her up. And, aside from looking tired from not having slept too well the night before, she was in great shape. We got her home and put her on the couch to watch some football and she napped most of the day. I got her to take a painkiller that night so she would REALLY sleep and she did. She was in such good shape Sunday she had a fight with my dad (who I had to take to work and pick up since my brother went AWOL).
I got up at 6AM Monday and drove back to Amherst and spent the next 4 days working on a group meeting I finally got to give Friday afternoon. I felt like I hadn't had enough analysis - I'd planned on getting SOMETHING done over break, obviously because of everything else that didn't happen. But, I had enough that my advisor didn't yell at me (much) and was actually helpful in terms of suggestions of things to do to try to wrap it up. However, my innate mistrust of him still had me worried sick over it. After the talk I called my mother, her followup with her doctor went really well - she can even drive as long as she's not in pain. She sounds a LOT better still, which is great.
So now, hopefully, shit will calm down - my mom will be okay, I haven't been fired, and my thesis is actually making some small progress in spite of everything.
I hope that I don't sound like I'm mad at my mother or otherwise sound like I'm put out over all this - I'm not. I tried to tell this story as neutrally as I could, because I know some of you have been asking about what's up and this is my attempt to explain. This was something that wasn't our fault, and when something like that happens that inconveniences you to this kind of degree it's natural to get a bit pissed - Lord knows my parents were. And I pretty much had no vacation - I was so tired from getting up so early and running around, I had no time to talk to anyone much less hang out. But, almost no one called me anyway so I guess it's no big deal - I'm sure everyone was off enjoying their own thing over the holidays. And that's the way it should be, really. Everyone has their own thing to do, their own families to take care of, and I had to take care of my own family - and I know that's the right thing to do and I would do exactly the same thing again if I had to. So, I don't mean to sound bitchy - just, after everything that's happened to me in the last 2 months, I was looking forward to a nice Christmas and alas, it was not to be. When absolutely everything in your life goes to hell all at once, I won't hold it against anyone if they get a little annoyed, so I ask that it not be held against me either ;-)
So that's what happened, why I've been AWOL/MIA/generally not around for the past month or so. As I said before things should be slightly calmer, and I'll be answering email and on IM more as I get my scrambled brains back and remember how to talk to people again. Hope all of you are doing better! Send me some GOOD news please ;-)
08 January 2009
Why I Love Science (Part 1)
Someone actually got money to figure out that honey bees get strung out on cocaine.
Link (if you don't believe me).
Link (if you don't believe me).
04 January 2009
Sick Over Eleven
Alright. Unless you've been on Neptune, you know who the BBC has casted as The Eleventh Doctor. If you don't want to be spoiled, STOP READING NOW.
Ok. Everyone here want to be here?
Good.
Let me qualify the vomit that is forthcoming by saying the following: I have been a Whovian for around 25 years, I've seen almost every episode of the classic series, I own Peter Haining's books and Target novelizations, the ENTIRE new series on DVD and lots of the classic as well, and I am NOT a Trekkie or a Vamp (have NOT seen Twilight either). Also I am spitting distance from my 30th birthday.
Now.
I am sick. You know that sick that sits in the pit of your stomach, when you realize just how pathetic and shitty your own life is, and there is next to nothing you can do to change it? That sickness when you see something so amazing, so overwhelming, so beautiful, that it makes your own life pale in comparison? That sickness when you fall totally, completely, immediately, out of your self and into someone else that is everything you could possibly or impossibly want, and realize that they will never, ever, in a million years be yours and yours alone, but they will be an integral part of your life even though they don't know it?
I'm talking about the sickness that is falling in Unrequited Love.
And oh my God, I have it for Matt Smith.
He, literally, had me at "bags under the eyes".
That's when I paused the video and looked him up on Wikipedia, and, satisfied I had no idea who he was (pun intended), continued watching. And fell, and fell, and fell.
Those EYES. That POUT. It's my wallpaper now. Sorry, Beaker.
That LOOK. That HAIR. My GOD.
Oh, and I also watched this interview about 25 times. In a row.
I set up a new Google News alert.
And I am unbearably, impossibly, sadly sick. But I think I mentioned that.
This man is going to be simply amazing as my hero, my raison d'être, my impossible dream. I was so happy when Who came back - it was at a very, very dark period of my life (early 2005) and it pretty much reaffirmed everything I loved about life.
Melodramatic? Exaggerated?
I'm a ninth-year graduate student. Cut me some slack.
I recall feeling somewhat similar to this when David Tennant was cast, this period of "my life is so pitiful and insignificant compared to this magnificence that is this man". So, I suspect that this will fade with time - although having to wait a year and a half to actually SEE him will be tough. I hope there will be loads of promo pics for me to stare at. I've found that staring, after enough time, actually dulls the pain.
Acting-wise? He has a good list. Impression from the interview? He is excited and psyched, and shows a manic boyishness as well as a mature understanding of what's to come... I really think he is The Doctor and he will be AMAZING. Plus, I will pretty much take whatever Moffat says as gospel, so if he wowed him, he will blow the rest of us completely away.
Just so you didn't think this was all about his looks - it's about his looks AND being a 900-year old alien with two hearts who likes to save the universe.
And now I'm just rambling on about nonsense, so I'll leave this be for now.
Ok. Everyone here want to be here?
Good.
Let me qualify the vomit that is forthcoming by saying the following: I have been a Whovian for around 25 years, I've seen almost every episode of the classic series, I own Peter Haining's books and Target novelizations, the ENTIRE new series on DVD and lots of the classic as well, and I am NOT a Trekkie or a Vamp (have NOT seen Twilight either). Also I am spitting distance from my 30th birthday.
Now.
I am sick. You know that sick that sits in the pit of your stomach, when you realize just how pathetic and shitty your own life is, and there is next to nothing you can do to change it? That sickness when you see something so amazing, so overwhelming, so beautiful, that it makes your own life pale in comparison? That sickness when you fall totally, completely, immediately, out of your self and into someone else that is everything you could possibly or impossibly want, and realize that they will never, ever, in a million years be yours and yours alone, but they will be an integral part of your life even though they don't know it?
I'm talking about the sickness that is falling in Unrequited Love.
And oh my God, I have it for Matt Smith.
He, literally, had me at "bags under the eyes".
That's when I paused the video and looked him up on Wikipedia, and, satisfied I had no idea who he was (pun intended), continued watching. And fell, and fell, and fell.
Those EYES. That POUT. It's my wallpaper now. Sorry, Beaker.
That LOOK. That HAIR. My GOD.
Oh, and I also watched this interview about 25 times. In a row.
I set up a new Google News alert.
And I am unbearably, impossibly, sadly sick. But I think I mentioned that.
This man is going to be simply amazing as my hero, my raison d'être, my impossible dream. I was so happy when Who came back - it was at a very, very dark period of my life (early 2005) and it pretty much reaffirmed everything I loved about life.
Melodramatic? Exaggerated?
I'm a ninth-year graduate student. Cut me some slack.
I recall feeling somewhat similar to this when David Tennant was cast, this period of "my life is so pitiful and insignificant compared to this magnificence that is this man". So, I suspect that this will fade with time - although having to wait a year and a half to actually SEE him will be tough. I hope there will be loads of promo pics for me to stare at. I've found that staring, after enough time, actually dulls the pain.
Acting-wise? He has a good list. Impression from the interview? He is excited and psyched, and shows a manic boyishness as well as a mature understanding of what's to come... I really think he is The Doctor and he will be AMAZING. Plus, I will pretty much take whatever Moffat says as gospel, so if he wowed him, he will blow the rest of us completely away.
Just so you didn't think this was all about his looks - it's about his looks AND being a 900-year old alien with two hearts who likes to save the universe.
And now I'm just rambling on about nonsense, so I'll leave this be for now.
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