Why I Am A Sadomasochist (a.k.a., Life As A Mets Fan)

So, I am minding my own f'ing business, trying to get out of the Holyoke Mall after spending too much money on Christmas presents for people who probably won't appreciate them. Bill & I are walking past the Spencers store - every mall has one. I hate that store. Cheap, useless, stupid crap imported from China that will probably give you cancer if you accidentally lick it when you're too drunk/high/etc.

I am wearing my Mets hat. Usually, if anything, this gets me lots of sympathy from the MA crew. I had a bunch of Mets crap on my first car, and when I went in for an oil change once (if you're in Amherst, GO TO REN'S MOBIL) the guys wrote "Let's Go Sox!" on my oil change sticker, assuming we were 'united' in hatred for the Yankees. Which, for me, was basically, "When in Rome, be a Roman" especially when it comes to finding a good mechanic. I kept my mouth shut about dating a Yankees fan (but I think we were both eventually forgiven).

These douchebags, outside of Spencers, start BOO-ing me, "two years in a row!" "BOO!". I was like, "what? WHAT?" I couldn't actually believe what I was hearing, first of all. Second of all, I hate people, I hate malls, I hate shopping, and was trying to get out of there before I vomited. Bill wisely restrained me from going back there and kicking their asses (he was driving).

I mean, COME ON. First off, your beloved f'ing Sox didn't do much better. Lost to the RAYS??? LAME. Second, picking on me for being a Mets fan, if you are a Red Sox fan, is kind of like being a Patriots fan and picking on a Jets fan (which I am also and have been picked on for it as well).

It's like beating up the retarded kid at the playground and calling yourself a tough guy.

Back in May of 2007, when my excellent friend Linda scored 4 tickets to the Colbert Report, we all crashed at my house. Did I mention I'm from Queens? WITHIN SIGHT of Shea Stadium? I was wearing my "PROPERTY OF NY METS" tshirt 'cos, well, the Mets were doing pretty well around that time. And, I'm in Queens for Chrissakes, so it should be ok, right? Anyway, we were walking from the house to the bus stop, and some IROC's drive by screaming, "METS SUCK!" I was so stunned I couldn't even respond. WTF, Queens???

And, let me give shoutouts to my Queens posse - JT, Eka, Steph, etc. - I was at the last game at Shea. You cut my skin, I bleed orange and blue. Now is NOT the time to be hating on the Mets - we lost our season, we lost our HOME - I promise I will post some pics from that last day when I get my s*it together. That was, no kidding, the saddest day of my entire sad, pathetic, ridiculous life.

So, to all you Haters out there, F___ OFF.

Now, I am going to continue getting drunk. Later.