SOTA: Wall Street Bonus Loss Is NYS's Apocalypse Edition

Apparently, the drop in cash bonuses paid to Wall Streeters is costing the state $1 billion in lost tax revenues. And NYC is losing about $275 million.

This is due apparently to both to layoffs and lower income. The irony here though is just killing me - my mother LOVES to bitch about how all the taxes and fees are going up in NYC because of the loss of tax revenue - and she wants to know why, and where the money went. Well, here's part of the answer.

Signs Of The Apocalypse: Punish The Innocent Edition

Are you a responsible credit card user?

Prepare to bend over.

Signs Of The Apocalypse: Military Unintelligence Edition

Virtual parents for the children of U.S. soldiers deployed to the Middle East.

Just go read this take on it. I'm going to go vomit up my breakfast now.

Signs Of The Apocalypse: North Of The Border Edition

So Canada, our wonderful neighbors to the North, have their collective s&#t together even if we don't. They stepped it up with opening their checkbook to the Big Three because, as we all know, the carmakers going out won't affect ANYONE but overpaid union employees.

Can someone wake up and smell the burning rubber please?

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Gen Y Special Needs Edition

I can't tell if this really is a Sign of the Apocalypse, or just people being dumb. But the title of this article was really just funny enough as it is.

Being from M.I.T. I am more than familiar with the "millenials" and I put about as much stock in it as I do in MJ's resume.

The creepiest part of this article? Parents who want to look at their kids' health plans... and employers who accomodate them. Are you f'ing kidding me??? My parents stopped checking my homework in fifth f'ing grade yo, so either these people have smarter parents than me (possible), or are interviewing for really simple shitty jobs. Sigh.

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Batman Vs. Turkey Edition

Um, wtf?

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Bailout BS Edition

Just a quick note to say I agree with a bailout for our 401k's.

In case you haven't been paying attention, the $700 billion bailout that OMG WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS NAO OR EVERYTHING WILL ASSPLODE well, hasn't been quite that. It was really meant more as a way to restore confidence - to the banks, to consumers, etc. Well, IT DIDN'T WORK. Dow closed around 8800 today, which is up, but nowhere NEAR the 14,000 it was.

Now the auto industry wants some free money and is being told to drop dead, but the Spa Weekend Pimps are getting more money.

Has anyone noticed where all this money is going?

Let me help you out: my very wise friend Don said that the only thing in this country that makes money is... more money. All these bailouts are to banks, insurers, lenders, i.e. PEOPLE WHO MAKE MONEY ON MONEY.

What happened to using money to, oh CREATE JOBS? Invest in something that will give you actual returns? Manufacturing is gone, goodbye, C-YA! But there are TONS of other things in this country that could use this bailout money - companies rebuilding infrastructure, developing new technologies, things that would develop our workforce and create returns for YEARS.

It was all a fucking scam and it really just irritates the shit out of me. Am I the only one???

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Underwear Edition

This just popped up on my Twitter from ABC News in NYC: Toxic bras at Victoria's Secret? Still a developing story, but apparently after claims of illness and rashes, the bras tested positive for formaldehyde. You know, the stuff they preserve animals in for biology class?? Now, I am not 100% familiar with what VS bras are made of, since I am way too poor to afford them, but I know it is a solvent for some kinds of chemical reactions. Also, it may be used in some sort of dyeing process for the fabric. In any case, this shit is bad so if this is true, um, holy shit.

Also what got me was this last sentence:

This isn't the first time a consumer has sued Victoria's Secret. In June, a Los Angeles woman went after the retailer, claiming a thong malfunction injured her. She is seeking unspecified damages and the case has yet to be resolved.

This has to do with some bling flying off and hitting her in the eye, apparently.

Well, good thing I'm too poor to afford metal-studded underwear too, huh. Good thing I'm too poor to have stock investments, a mortgage, hey this ain't so bad...

Something to be said for Hanes granny panties, yo.

UPDATE: My fellow engineer Linder makes three good points:
1. Did these people wash the bra before they wore it? May not necessarily have helped, but might have reduced any residual crap in the bra.
2. Or is some creepy old guy pouring formaldehyde on underwear? Check if they were made in China...
3. What in the hell is a 52-year-old woman doing trying on a thong????

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Subconscious Edition

OK. So here's some background: My thesis advisor is a _______. My mother tends to say not-too-nice things about me on a fairly regular basis. Last night, she was wondering what the hell happened to me because I am a 9th-year graduate student.

Thanks, Mom!

My advisor got divorced in 2006, and all hell broke loose. Part of why I am a 9th-year graduate student, but more details are not relevant at the moment. Especially in public.

So, last night? My nightmare was that my advisor got divorced... and hooked up with my mom. For those of you that know either my mom or my advisor (I don't actually think any of you would know both of them), you will understand immediately why I woke up in a cold sweat and decided to get up and go grocery shopping to try to take my mind off of it.

As far as whatever Freudian analysis you want to do - I'm looking at it as my subconscious combining all the worst things into my life to really make me lose my mind.

SOTA - Charlton Heston Edition

This post was emailed to me by devangel, a question asked by P.Z. Myers - "Where's Charlton Heston when you need him?" and really, it says all that needs to be said.

Reason number 9,746 why I'm not religious anymore.

Signs of the Apocalypse - Hometown On Fire Edition

What the hell is this noise??

I was chatting with my brother this morning and he told me the bank in the Whitestone Shopping Center blew up. Turns out, it was WAY worse than that. In the course of finding that video, however, I found another one detailing this fire in Flushing from a few days ago.

The Whitestone Shopping Center is about 10 minutes from where my parents live, and Flushing is about 15.

I don't like seeing my hometown on fire. This is extremely suspicious.

My brother thinks it's a little presumptive to say it's arson, but two commercial building fires in the same week (in nearby towns)? Suspicious to me. The Whitestone fire in particular, they say the flames were EXTREMELY hot. Sounds like (1) the fire systems in the stores must have been disabled to allow it to spread so far and (2) the fire had help or was set deliberately in the electrical systems. As for the Flushing fire, they haven't said anything concrete so far, but if the fire was bad enough the buildings had to be completely demolished, well, that's bad. And suspicious.

I wonder what, if anything, the businesses had in common....

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Backyard Edition

8-year-old boy dies after shooting himself with an Uzi.

OK. This is just completely ridiculous. Everyone who read this story that I know immediately said, "What about Legos or cartoons?" No, kid has to go shoot an assault weapon at a firing range. (They are legal to buy again, by the way.)

Now, I'll just put this out there that I HATE GUNS. I played paintball once and that was about as close as I ever want to get to firing any kind of weapon. I'm all Doctor Who on this one - no guns for me. Not necessary. Now of course, there is the Second Amendment, and I'm not necessarily opposed to intelligent people owning guns. (Although I think the original intent of the Framers was to prevent a military coup, not promote sport shooting.) And, I actually know a few hunters. Although it's something I would never ever do, hunters actually do quite a bit to keep certain animal populations under control, for the benefit of the environment (yes it's true), other animals, and people.

But, let's assume that it's okay to own and shoot guns, and it's even okay for kids to learn how to use guns responsibly. I'll accept those conditions.

PLEASE tell me, why is it a good idea for an 8-year-old to fire a fully automatic assault weapon? Did the range instructor, or the father, not have any idea about what kind of weapon the kid could handle? Give him a .22, or better yet a freaking BB gun. Give him something smaller, easier to handle first. Apparently it was the first time the kid ever shot an automatic weapon. It doesn't say what his previous shooting experience was, if any.

And, in spite of myself, I do feel bad for this kid's parents, especially his father since he was the one who gave permission for the kid to use the gun. But, I also can't help feeling this was Darwinism at work too. Someone who lets an 8-year-old fire a machine gun is not someone I want continuing to populate the earth. Sorry. Call me a bastard, evil, heartless, cruel, whatever. I'm a scientist - I can handle it.

This was a completely preventable tragedy.

Signs Of The Apocalypse 03/10/08: Your Tax Dollars At Work Edition

Ohhh, it's been a while since I did one of these, but today's a doozy.

First up: If you told me Eliot Spitzer was in trouble, I'd say he got caught with Jim Cramer snorting Pixie Stix off Neil Patrick Harris's ass and got such a sugar high the fire department had to pull him out of the ventilation.

Alas, it was teh secks. And man, does he look sorry... (Although not as sorry as the hooker did when she saw that face. Man.)

I really want to say this was a Set Up, or Eliot was working on a sting, or something. But seriously, check out screencaps of the Emperor's Club website (Newsday). I mean, who wrote that crap? The grammar alone was enough to irritate me: "our models are perfect preference" and, my personal favorite, "Each of our companions is a product of an exceptionally fine background and a success in her right." But, like Playboy, no one buys it for the articles.

In all seriousness, New York has enough hypocrites. As much as I like you Eliot, get out. As an aside - I saw the Lieutenant Governor, David Patterson, speak at my brother's graduation and he'd be more than capable of filling in.

In other news, the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the TSA is still full of Grade-A idiots (Fark). This is just the latest in a long line of TSA lunacy. You know all those TSA agents started out just like this.

I'm sure they still communicate with tin cans on the end of strings too.

There's a reason I don't fly anymore.

Signs Of The Apocalypse 06/19/07

Well, I got two for ya over the past week.

Does your toddler have a sippy cup? They might be a terrorist. In short, woman (EX-SECRET SERVICE AGENT NO LESS) gets detained because her toddler had water in a sippy cup. Yes, the TSA is full of idiots.

And just what level of idiocy are we talking about? Via Fark (props to the right), we have The Bead Knife Principal Terrorist. Poor woman. Read the whole thing and tell me the TSA morons aren't in a class of their own.

And, the triple for good measure (via Fark)? London International Airport boss on no-fly list. Oh, I give up.

You know what? I'm going to broker a peace deal with the monsters under my bed to protect me from the Terr-ists, because I trust the monsters more than the government at this point.

Signs Of The Apocalypse 06/06/07

Why's the world ending today?

Mets lost 3 straight for the first time this season & Chavez may be out.

OK, it's below 50 degrees F outside, and it's actually cold enough in my apartment that I have to put the heat on!! Look at the date. WTF.