Coming Up...

So I haven't written in a while. What's been going on: work, cooking, best friend's mom died. Mainly, not a whole lot of fun.

Thesis has been sort of going, advisor being of slightly more help as of late.

Best friend's mom: one of those people who everyone called Mom, always had food and a shoulder to cry on for anyone who walked in the door. I'm still a bit wrecked over the whole thing, honestly.

Renewed my unemployment, still no job, still poor. Not a hell of a lot has changed on that front.

It's hot as hell, the Mets suck, and I can't wait for football and snow.

So some entries I swear I am going to write in the somewhat near future:
My thoughts on Matt Smith
A celiac news roundup
A few general science roundups
The return of Signs of the Apocalypse
Movie reviews

I have all of this sitting in a text file on my desktop so I don't forget it all. Because once you hit 30, and you've been an undiagnosed celiac, your mind starts going. Sigh.

Anyway if you are still reading this mindless drivel, I love you <3

online confusion

So yeah I know I should be working. But I am farting around with online information aggregators. Between Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, Google Reader, etc. I can't settle on a happy interface. I liked Google's iGoogle page for a while. Now I'm not so sure. Plus having more than 1 Gmail account is a bit crazy as I need to decide which things I follow where.

But yeah. That's how I'm wasting my life today because I can't tackle anything serious at the moment.

April/May Catchup

I had a rotten day in the lab, so I am drinking and catching up on my DVR recordings. And I figure I should catch up on April, since I wrote nothing about it yet.

April 4th: BP got tickets for us to see Lewis Black at the Coolidge Theater in Northampton! We were way up in the peanut gallery, but the show was absolutely hysterical. The opening comic, John Bowman, was pretty good. And Lewis Black - the line of the night was, "I've been reading some things, and apparently, the economy is in the s*****r." I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard (well, when I was sober at least)...

April 11th-12th: Easter weekend, my parents and my brother came up here to celebrate Easter. We had a lot of food and a lot of alcohol. And, amazingly, everything I thought went really well. We had a nice night and a nice dinner and it was good to see them.

April 18th: METS GAME AT CITI! BP & I drove down Friday night and met up with people Saturday morning. The drinking commenced at about 11am with department peeps, and good old DC stopped by too (he happened to be at the game as well!). Johan then pitched a FANTASTIC game and the Mets won 1-0 over the Brewers. We were in Section 531, and I have to admit I liked Citi in spite of myself. We got to hang out with my folks, and we headed back to MA on Sunday.

April 24th-25th: We had a team from the department participate in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life overnight. This was an amazing experience. In addition to making a fool out of myself to raise over a grand for the cause, it was a pretty intense experience to be there overnight with so many people for such a great cause. I didn't get much sleep because it was noisy and we had a nice 4am thunderstorm that woke everyone up. I got more sleep when I got home and over the rest of the weekend.

May 1st-3rd: ROAST! It was FABULOUS to catch up with everyone, live on 7 hours of sleep for the weekend, and generally be back "HOME"! The new frosh at the Haus are great from what interactions I had with them, and all went smoothly. And of course, all of you who gave me more kicks in the ass to graduate I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Today was a rough day - it's hard doing something when you are so on your own and no one cares about what you're doing. But, there is a farmer's market tomorrow and I am looking forward to buying lots of good food. So, yeah.

Quick Update

Been busy with various things, hence no writing. Had a birthday, had to give group meeting on said birthday after staring at a computer screen for 7 hours analyzing data, and it sucked. Oh well. Also been sick as a dog. The boy has it now, heh. Also got to see Lewis Black which was possibly the funniest experience of my life. I'll write about that separately later. Parents coming up for Easter weekend. Apartment is a mess. Still broke and unemployed. Saw a bunch of my friends from my old job on Monday, that was fun. Always good to keep in touch with people. Hope you are doing well too!

Um, should not take when drunk.

Jung Explorer Test

Actualized type: ENFP


(who you are)

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Preferred type: ENFJ


(who you prefer to be)

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

Attraction type: ENFP


(who you are attracted to)

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Jung Explorer Test


personality tests by similarminds.com

Hmm.

Take this for what it's worth.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||| 18% Schizoid |||||||||| 34% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||| 34% Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 74% Histrionic |||||| 30% Narcissistic |||||| 22% Avoidant |||||||||| 34% Dependent |||||||||| 38% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 38%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Um...

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

New Jon Bon Jovi Book?

Apparently another book, this time in honor of the band's 25th anniversary.

As if I'm not feeling old enough.

February Showers Bring March Tindersticks Tickets (?)

So what has been up recently? Went to a few baby showers this month, one in Boston with some college friends and one for the wife of an old group mate. The second one was done "remotely' as the person is in Maryland but her mom is up here in MA. So it was fun, excellent food. I always feel weird at these things, like bridal showers, since neither one will apply to me, at least in the foreseeable future. I mean, I like to think I know a fair amount about a lot of things, mainly from first-hand experience. But these girl things are things I only know about through other people, so all my advice and experience is obtained vicariously through others. So I always feel a bit awkward and out of place. But ultimately I go because I know how important it is to show support and love for the person being honored, which is the same reason I go to weddings when I am able to.

So yeah. In other news, I somehow managed to score tickets to the Tindersticks show in Somerville in early March - THE SEATS ARE SECOND ROW CENTER! I couldn't believe it when the Ticketmaster website shot that out at me. I refused to believe it, but that's what the tickets said when they showed up in the mail this week! So I am completely psyched. Of course, I neither deserve nor can afford said tickets, but the Tindersticks only tour the States like every 5 years or so, so ya gottado what ya gotta do. And as an added bonus, my unemployment claim got processed sooner than I expected so I am also helping out the economy. Take that, recession!! So I am looking forward to that, and will duly post a review of the show :-)

As far as work, I'm still working on the final piece of my thesis, looking at data and trying to find patterns and a model for what's going on. I am alternately climbing the walls of my office, the lab, and my apartment. When I am smart enough to figure that out, I am done. So here's to pattern recognition.

Career Fair = Peace Corps

So I went to a career fair today and the most useful thing was I met my local Peace Corps recruiter. He seems like an absolutely ace guy. I gave one resume out, but the rest of the companies there were either looking for EE/ME or undergraduate summer internships. As if I need to feel worse about my situation. But, anyway, I went, I can put that on my activity list for unemployment, and it got me used to talking to strangers again.

I think Peace Corps is looking more and more like the best option, but even if I apply tomorrow it's 9-12 months before I get deployed. So, I will need to do something when unemployment runs out. But how many restaurants want a PhD waiting tables, especially if I tell them it's only until the end of the year?

The recruiter was really nice, and maybe he will have some suggestions for me. We shall see.

In the meantime - if you have any Peace Corps stories about your experience, please share them with me as I think about this.

GO CHUCK!

Staten Island Chuck gives it to Mayor Bloomberg. The article has a link to a video of the critter chomping down on Hizzoner's hand after having enough of his ridicule. Apparently no shadow here, but Phil saw one. So, in other words, who the f knows. All I know is we got 4 feet of ice up here in MA that started melting today because it was 50 degrees, so it will be Flood Season very soon...

Wake

So, I don't like wakes. I know I know, no one does. But tonight, when it's someone who just had so much more to do and look forward to, it just breaks your heart.

I worked with this person at my old job, and in the interest of not Google-bombing this entry, that's all the detail that will be given. This guy was one of the smartest and kindest people I have ever met, and I worked with his daughter as well and she is absolutely wonderful too. This man gave me the nickname "New York" within minutes of first meeting me back in 2005 (well before the more famous one on VH1), after I told him I was from Queens. And after that it was always "New York! When you graduating??" I thought about that last night while I was trying to get to sleep and I almost lost it.

Tonight was a veritable who's-who of friends from my old job, and I always feel awkward playing catch-up with people at wakes. But, at the same time, it's a good chance to reconnect and make those reconnections more meaningful and lasting given the circumstances. And ultimately it is for the family, to remind them that they are not alone. And no one wants to be alone, especially at a time like that.

So. Yeah. It was a reminder for me, as the reverend said at the service, we don't know what the next moment brings. A good reminder.

ZOMBIES

There are zombies on the loose in Austin, Texas so be warned.

Although my absolute favorite is what's for lunch in Dedham.

too many teardrops that you held inside

So I should be thesising and I am instead finally listening to the new Tindersticks album, The Hungry Saw (more info on homepage). And man, I'm only on Track 4, but it is ACE. They are also touring, and I think I may want to go see them in March, theoretically right after my data defense (heh).

Go Wiki them or whatever it is you do to find out more info about a band you like, but if you like moody, emotional, dark "pop", check them out. I remember when good old WDRE played Nectar, after their first album dropped, back when I was in high school (199x-y). I thought, man, this is ACE. That first album is still one of my favorites of all time. Can Our Love... hit right at a very very traumatic time for me, and I'm incredibly attached to that one as well. I recall several Tindersticks albums more or less guiding me through my cumulative exams, along with R.E.M.'s "Reveal" - which, say what you want, did a LOT for me on a very personal level.

So, anyway, this new album - on Track 6 now - is right up there with them. As I hopefully enter the last, the final, the hardest, the darkest part of this whole degree process, it will be there for me. And I am slightly pissed that this process should not be nearly as bad as it is - and I still question what part of me made this so shitty, what inadequacies in my nature led to creating this struggle in the first place. I'm glad I can be self-doubtful with the Tindersticks holding my hand.

Bernie Madoff's House Got TP'd

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAAAHAHHAA!!!!!!!

My Boyfriend Is Awesome

Cos he is :-)

What Happened

So, I think the last update was that I had a pretty ridiculous Thanksgiving, was sick, had to deal with family, etc.

When I got back to MA, in the space of three days, I lost my job, found out I had to have dental work done (no insurance, naturally), and had my apartment broken into and something very valuable taken. A number of other annoyances happened in the next few weeks, cars needed repairs, my PS2 and our microwave both broke, and the desktop machine needs a few CPU fan.

But, here's the big deal. On December 10, my mom broke her right arm just below the shoulder.

I didn't find this out until about the 19th due to my mother playing some nasty passive-aggressive games with me and preferring to talk about the football pool or blowing my advisor's brains out with her shotgun instead of telling me what actually happened.

This accident was completely not her fault. The cheap, sketchy people that her company hired to wax the floors in the store where she worked left a pool of wax in front of the doors to her work area without any "caution wet floor" sign. She slipped and fell and her right humerus fractured cleanly right below the shoulder.

The emergency room people opted to NOT do surgery, instead they gave her a sling and told her not to move her arm. Because the fracture was fairly clean there was a chance it would heal on its own without surgery. In the meantime, she cannot work, drive, or do pretty much anything. So for those of you who know anything about my family, you can imagine the nightmare I was walking into coming home for Christmas.

My original plan was to come home Christmas Eve and come back to school the day after Christmas because I had work to do and had taken entirely too much time off for Thanksgiving because of the wedding I was in. This changed to coming home the 23rd very late (I got in sometime after 10pm) and staying longer than I planned. My father can't drive, so after I walked in the door I was told I had to get up at 6AM the next morning and take him to work. My brother had apparently been on taxi duty the previous week and a half so now it was my turn.

Christmas Eve was spent driving people around and helping my mom get stuff ready for Christmas day dinner. I fell asleep somewhere around 9PM. Christmas Day was alright, my mother insisted on doing entirely too much and was in some pain. Friday I didn't have to get up to drive anyone anywhere, but Saturday, Sunday and Monday I had to take my dad and pick him up. Add to all of this the fact that everyone is chain-smoking and I had two asthma attacks on Friday. So I was already irritated by the time Monday rolled around. I had a fight with my mother Monday morning (and almost packed up and left right then and there) because she is impossible to deal with when she is hurt and snapped at me over something really stupid. She finally broke down and apologized to me for being a bitch. I agreed to stay until Tuesday (the next day) and drive my dad to work and take her to a follow up with her doctor. Then I needed to get back to school, try to do some work (because my thesis isn't writing itself), make sure my apartment was safe, and pray that my unemployment money had finally showed up (it hadn't and still hasn't as of this writing).

So I take her to the doctor, a REALLY nice, smart, kind guy, and he looks at the X-rays and basically says, you need surgery. How about this Friday (day after New Year's)? My mother is pissed and upset because she hates hospitals (because in her mind it's still 1985 mind you). I decide I'm still going to leave but come back Friday or Saturday.

I came back to school, had a nice New Year's Eve with some friends, and slept in. I did get some work done Thursday and Friday and spent most of Friday distracted thinking about the surgery. I decided to drive down early Saturday morning rather than Friday night so I could actually get some sleep. My mother actually called me Friday night about 2 hours after she got out of surgery! It was an hour and a half, and they put in a plate and a lot of pins. But she sounded better than she had in WEEKS. Everything went well.

I got to NYC Saturday (the 3rd for those of you keeping score) about 20 minutes before she called to say she was being released, around 11:30AM. I rode along with my brother and my dad to go pick her up. And, aside from looking tired from not having slept too well the night before, she was in great shape. We got her home and put her on the couch to watch some football and she napped most of the day. I got her to take a painkiller that night so she would REALLY sleep and she did. She was in such good shape Sunday she had a fight with my dad (who I had to take to work and pick up since my brother went AWOL).

I got up at 6AM Monday and drove back to Amherst and spent the next 4 days working on a group meeting I finally got to give Friday afternoon. I felt like I hadn't had enough analysis - I'd planned on getting SOMETHING done over break, obviously because of everything else that didn't happen. But, I had enough that my advisor didn't yell at me (much) and was actually helpful in terms of suggestions of things to do to try to wrap it up. However, my innate mistrust of him still had me worried sick over it. After the talk I called my mother, her followup with her doctor went really well - she can even drive as long as she's not in pain. She sounds a LOT better still, which is great.

So now, hopefully, shit will calm down - my mom will be okay, I haven't been fired, and my thesis is actually making some small progress in spite of everything.

I hope that I don't sound like I'm mad at my mother or otherwise sound like I'm put out over all this - I'm not. I tried to tell this story as neutrally as I could, because I know some of you have been asking about what's up and this is my attempt to explain. This was something that wasn't our fault, and when something like that happens that inconveniences you to this kind of degree it's natural to get a bit pissed - Lord knows my parents were. And I pretty much had no vacation - I was so tired from getting up so early and running around, I had no time to talk to anyone much less hang out. But, almost no one called me anyway so I guess it's no big deal - I'm sure everyone was off enjoying their own thing over the holidays. And that's the way it should be, really. Everyone has their own thing to do, their own families to take care of, and I had to take care of my own family - and I know that's the right thing to do and I would do exactly the same thing again if I had to. So, I don't mean to sound bitchy - just, after everything that's happened to me in the last 2 months, I was looking forward to a nice Christmas and alas, it was not to be. When absolutely everything in your life goes to hell all at once, I won't hold it against anyone if they get a little annoyed, so I ask that it not be held against me either ;-)

So that's what happened, why I've been AWOL/MIA/generally not around for the past month or so. As I said before things should be slightly calmer, and I'll be answering email and on IM more as I get my scrambled brains back and remember how to talk to people again. Hope all of you are doing better! Send me some GOOD news please ;-)

Philosophy

Dennis sent me this from the BBC. Made my brain hurt.

Why I Hate Christmas "Cards"

OK. So, I like getting Christmas/holiday cards from people. Emphasis on the "card". A piece of paperboard, folded in half, with things written on it. Sometimes photos are enclosed, or are a part of said "card". This year, in particular, I have been getting photos being passed off as "cards".

A LOT of them.

This aggravates every neuron in my cerebral cortex.

Here's why: you know what these cards come across as? A very irritating, impersonal way of saying, "look how un-screwed up my life is because I got married/had a baby/(insert happy life event here) and as such, I am too busy to write you anything personal but I am going to shove my happiness in your face at one of the most emotionally unstable times of the year."

Now, in the unlikely event you are one of the several people who sent me such a card AND are reading this: chill. You probably didn't INTEND for your card to come off as such an obnoxious gesture. And I don't hate you. And, a few of you I actually talk to on a regular basis and you probably didn't think you NEEDED to write anything on the card. Here's some friendly advice: YOU DO. And, I am not the only person to feel this way - a few of my other friends as well as family received these kinds of "cards" and they all had pretty much the same reaction as I did. It's not cool. If you don't want to make an iota of effort to send a card that is personal, that makes your recipient feel like they are more than just an entry in your computerized address-book-label-printer-database-of-people-that-you-keep-to-feel-relevant, then save yourself the trouble.

So, please do me a favor: next year, if you want to do the whole wonderful-life-photo-card thing, either spend 10 seconds and use a felt pen to write me a note on it, or save yourself a stamp. K? K.

Sleep Deprived

Yeah. Another day I can't get up at a reasonable hour, woke up at 4:30am and drifted in and out of sleep till I got up. Had a weird dream - was at a party with Jesus Jones - yeah yeah I know. Something about Mike almost drowning and me and Al had to save him... there was this other bit where I was at what I think was a coffeeshop in Northampton. There was a woman who gave away a bag with two calendars in it. One was this souvenir calendar from like 1993 with all these pictures of JJ in it. Some other woman took the bag and both calendars, and I asked her if I could have the JJ one 'cos I'm a HUGE fan and she said absolutely not. Then, somehow, I had another calendar from some other store in Noho (I think it was either Haymarket or Cornucopia) and I offered to trade with her and then she said yes. And I was all excited and I took the calendar to the party and showed the guys.

Time passing? Passing love? Love no matter what? I'm sure the dream analysts out there would have a field day with this one.

Off to the lab.